The breakthrough weekend was more than just a retreat for me.

For the last three weeks, God has been tugging at my heart and brought me to a point of desperation in my spiritual condition. I saw the filth and the wretchedness of my soul. And I wanted to change.

There at the breakthrough weekend, I surrendered it all, I made fresh commitments. An altar was erected. Offerings were placed. I believe with the most sincere heart, I truly surrendered it all to God.

This morning, I pondered over the erected altar, is the offering still there? Or have I taken it back? Have I given a false surrender?

So what is a false surrender?
Ever surrendered something to God, only to find yourself thinking, “if I surrender this to God, then he will bless me with something greater?” or “If I surrender it to Him, God will give it back” Many times I surrender something to God, I harbour other hopes or possibilities of how God will give back. Just like for Abraham when he was ready to sacrifice Isaac upon the altar…

I think we have the unfortunate problem of hindsight in this case. We know God stopped Abraham from sacrificing Isaac (Whom Abraham LOVED dearly-Gen 22:2). And God provided an alternative sacrifice. We then view surrender as a cause-effect situation. Whereby if I surrender, then God will…

I believe that if I begin to read between the text and put myself into the position of Abraham (sanctified imagination.. heh heh) then perhaps I can have a better understanding of what surrender truly entails…

You see, when God called to Abraham, he was told to sacrifice Isaac. What would be his thoughts and emotions? There must have been plenty of struggle. Isaac, I have to emphasize again, was LOVED DEARLY by Abraham. I believe that at the altar of sacrifice, when Abraham raised the knife. He died to all hopes of Isaac growing up, tending the flocks, growing to a strong man, marrying a wife, having grandbabies to carry. Should there be an alternate reality, Abraham would have obediently plunged the knife into Isaac. And walked back to the donkey and headed home. No more Isaac. Surrendered.

Back to my personal thoughts on false surrender.

I surrendered and placed my wishes and dreams upon the altar at breakthrough weekend, yet this morning, my thoughts harboured upon hopes that God would give it back to me in His own way. Then I realised that my surrender was incomplete. I have placed my hope on resurrecting a dream that was already at the altar. And this was what God said to me… “Son, when you surrendered your hope and dreams on the altar, stop hoping that I would give it back to you, instead place your hope on Me.

abraham