Lau Lang! (old person in hokkien.. Not old wolf!)

That’s one term I’ve gotten used to. Why? Most of the youth call me that…Been around the youth ministry long enough to have gone through 3-4 name changes in the ministry. First was TNS (Tertiary-NS ministry… so much for creativity in choice of name), then came YPM (Young Pple’s Ministry… This was eventually adopted as the generic name for the whole youth ministry) and then came CLAYS (Christ Living Among Yielded Saints… The longest surviving name) and finally now RAYs.

I’m starting to feel disconnected with the ministry. And the Lau Lang term no longer seems just a term of seniority in the ministry… Having led a group of “little boys and girls” in a CG (HEY! I remember the first name we had for that CG…. BPJ/CCK CG… Yes they meet in bukit panjang and Chua Chu Kang! HAHA! its gotta be me lah, I just can’t seem to give good names to CGs) and being the oldest in the group, of course its natural they call me that.

But now that I’ve entered the third decade of life, I’m starting to rethink the “lau lang” term.
These days…
I keep getting overtaken in races.
I cannot keep up in my regular exercise regimes.
Muscles aches take longer to recover.
I sleep early.
I fail IPPT.
Ok… that’s just unfit lah!

But I’ve never thought to hit this big 30 so soon! And recently, being called “Lau Lang” made me cringe a little. I’m getting old! (But hey, I think if I hit 40, I would be thinking likewise about wanting to be 30 again!) Like I always tell the folks in YPM, being the dinosaur there, I’m paving the way for them! haha!

But I think the scary part of this is…denial. You don’t want to grow old… You want to stay young, energetic… You don’t want to hear people remind you of your age!(Seriously, dun need to remind me lor. I can count! I can remember! I’m not THAT old!) You want people to tell you that you don’t look your age (look younger lah!). But I think the most difficult part of it all (or at least where I struggle in) is in being single. Peers my age are already married or with Kids (married or not.. haha)! I still cannot figure out where the root of the struggle is.. But as I think through… I think the sisters probably have a harder time dealing with age and singleness, yes? (somehow for guys, its the “age gracefully thingy” that sorta helps), any sister can fill me in on this?

Is it an acceptance issue? A surrender issue? Hormonal Imbalance issue(haha!)? Loneliness issue? Paternal instincts issue? Hey I’m clueless! Never thought turning the decade could leave you so much to think about (Are these mid life crisis issues?) I don’t think I’ll know. Just like I did not understand my teenage years, till my 20s, I now understand my 20’s better at 30. Likewise, I guess the answer would come only when i’m 40 (gulps!)

So like all good Covenant disciplemaking process would entail…we ask ourselves, “What does God say?”
The answer sounds cliche.. But for now, it would suffice for me…

Jim Elliot gave his life to the Auca Indians at age 30.
Jesus started his ministry at 30 and gave Himself as a sacrifice for our sins at 33.

Think I’ll start living life with death in mind

“Every man dies, but not every man lives”