@hhChoooo… who sneezed?!?!

“…that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” 1 Samuel 18:1b

In the life of every man, there rarely is a David and Jonathan, whose hearts and soul are so closely knitted and bound, that a man can love another as he loves himself. Kindred spirits.

Truly its even rarer for men today because we find it hard to open our hearts to share with each other, and the tyranny of today’s society and fast paced lifestyle causes a great isolation of souls.

I once heard a godly man telling me that in his whole life, he has had less than 5 of such friends. Souls knitted together by the Lord. I believe that its so true because such friends rarely come by.

And so back in the end of 2004, when I met Yau Chung, I believe God caused our hearts to connect instantly. I remember the first time we had a real good chat was at a TCC at Holland Village and we found we could share so openly and honestly, our hearts burned with the similar passions. From then, we shared this journey.

This brother has a great heart for God, a great desire to love God and his people. One whom I hold in great esteem and love and honour. I do not think for once I’ve had such a close brother in Christ before. I mean, I do have people I know and I’m close to, but when scripture describes a bond as David and Jonathan, I believe this is it.

On Saturday, when YC had to fly to the States as part of his job attachment for the next 3 years, there was a deep sense of loss. I know I’m really going to miss this dear brother very much, and that I’m going to miss the times and things we’ve shared in the last 2 years. I know too that God will continue to knit our hearts in spite of the distance.

So, my brother, my prayers are for you over there and for your family back here. May God continue to bless our friendship and bind us deeper in His love. May it be so that we continue to press on in this race, though in this part of the journey, we may be apart, I believe that God will sustain us through His grace and love. Love you, bro.

Awoke this morning to find myself feeling all funny inside.

A feeling of vulnerability, and felt emotionally raw. Almost like anything could make you weep and cry.. Sounds funny, but it was through this that I felt much closer to God’s heart.

On Friday’s CG, as well as at the CG retreat and with other brothers, I shared that my prayer request was that I could feel again. (basically to be revived) To draw close to God and to feel and touch His heart again.

Its been a long time since I’ve felt “alive” inside.. almost as if my heart had hardened to such a state that nothing moved me. Sunday’s praise and worship no longer ushered me into His presence, sermon messages come across dry. Morning QT was mainly focused on self, and the Word of God.. stale and boring.

But last night after coming back from YC’s farewell party, I just started praying and praising God in song. God’s presence descended and as I came before Him, tears rolled down and I felt such wretchedness before our God. I believe God has heard these brothers’ prayers (Thanks so much!!) and answered them. I called to God for forgiveness. And really felt lifted and cleansed. (one really does not know how much burdens we carry until its lifted off)

Lost in His presence…

Today, during Vision Sunday, as Pastor Kai shared about two major upcoming events.. our Church’s prayer walk and the Global Day of Prayer. What really spoke to me during his sharing was that unless we come to a point where we truly come before God in repentance(or in Ps Ann’s message today.. Remorse without repentance).. in true repentance.. revival will tarry… it will not happen. God IS calling individuals to Himself. And my prayer is that all brothers and sisters will arise to this call to prayer and repentance.. I’m truly looking forward to this saturday. My prayer is we will catch a glimpse of revival..

4 June 2006.

Singapore is going to be part of the Global Day of Prayer.

This is something that stirred my heart greatly when Ps Edmund shared about the Global Day of Prayer, in my mind’s eye, I could see thousands upon thousands of people gathered in one place, interceding for this nation. Its been 5 years since the Vision 2001 movement ended. Unprecedented prayer and unity among the local churches brought about many salvations and stirred the hearts of men then.

This could possibly be something even bigger. A greater move of God, bringing His people to repentance.

Watch this video on the prayer movement happening around the world. Its really moving.

I pray you catch the vision.

This story is told of a blind student named John. One day, Bill, his lecturer asked John how he had become blind. The sightless student described an accident that had happened in his teenage years. The tragedy took not just the boy’s sight but also his hope. He told Bill, “I was bitter and angry with God for letting it happen, and I took my anger out on everyone around me. I felt that since I had no future, I wouldn’t lift a finger on my own behalf. Let others wait on me. I shut my bedroom door and refused to come out except for meals.”

His admission surprised Bill. The student he taught displayed no bitterness or anger. He asked John to explain the change. John credited his father. Weary of the pity party and ready for his son to get on with life, he reminded the boy of the impending winter and told him to mount the storm windows. “Do the work before I get home or else…!” the dad insisted, slamming the door on the way out.

John reacted with anger. Muttering and cursing and groping all the way to the garage, he found the windows, step ladder and tools and went to work. “They’ll be sorry when I fall off my ladder and break my neck.” But he didn’t fall. Little by little he inched around the house and finished the chore.

The assignment achieved the dad’s goal. John reluctantly realised he could still work and began to reconstruct his life. Years later he learned something else about that day. When he shared this detail with Bill, his blind eyes misted. “I later discovered that at no time during the day had my father ever been more than four or five feet from my side.”

The father had no intention of letting the boy fall.

You Father has no intention of letting you fall either. You can’t see Him, but He is there.

(excerpt from Come Thirsty by Max Lucado)

My walk has frequently been marked with seasons.

Seasons which God impressed upon my heart. Following my past journals, I could see that in the last season, God spoke and dealt with obedience.

This season, I’ve been hearing again and again this one simple, single word…

Thirst.

I knew in my heart where God was pointing to. You’re not thirsting for me. You’re dehydrated and yet you are not drinking from Me.

Thirst.

I know in my competitive days, when we raced. One can feel totally hydrated after the race. But inside, the body is dehydrated… and the fluid I drink immediately after is not sufficient to hydrate the body. I need to keep drinking through the day, even when I don’t feel thirsty. Because my body needs it. I may go to the toilet a lot, but that does not mean my body has already got the fluid it needs.

Thirst.

I feel fine. I go to Church every week, I attend Cell group. I read my bible every morning. I serve actively in ministry. I do everything prescribed that a good Christian ought to do. But I’m not “hydrated” enough.

Thirst.

Bible says when we drink of Him, we will never be thirsty again. Drinking from Jesus, fills us with His Spirit, and there will be an overflow, a flood if you may, of the Holy Spirit from our lives.

Thirst?

Then Drink.

Worlds apart.

My desires. His desires.

Selfish pride. Sin Rebellion. Covetous. Clouded heart. Tainted past. Hurts. Wounds.

Love. Mercy. Life. Blood. Restoration. Grace. Sacrifice. Atonement.

Worlds Apart.

Worlds Collide.

Wedged.

Me. Wedged.

WORLDS APART by JARS OF CLAY.
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love to give and die

To turn away and not become another nail to pierce
the skin of one who loves more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe in the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now, I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago

So steal my heart and take the pain and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish,
take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty,
take my tears the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can’t deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish,
take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty,
take my tears
take my world apart,
take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

This bunch of people are really really precious to me. Though I have moved to the adult congregation CG, the folks from the JesusLivingStones CG(thank God we got a proper name change, else we’ll end up as BPJ/CCK CG) never fail to invoke strong wonderful memories and my heart is still very much with them.

It was great to have had a sort of reunion with the multiplied LivingStones CG (3 wonderful gps) at a retreat in the beginning of the week. I am really so very thankful to see almost all the original bunch from the first CG leading in some way, be it in the CGs or in the Campus Ministries. Really thank God that over the last few years, God has sustained each and every single person, and He faithfully groomed and grew each one. How exciting it would be to see in few years time, more stonies will be found serving and loving God.

It was just pure joy to hear individual sharings and catching up with them at the retreat. So great to see the older ones like Guan Hua, Willie, Kiat, Rebec, Joy, Sharon guiding and leading the others. And others who though young are rising up and serving Him. I really count it a priviledge to be able to serve alongside with them. I see many of the stonies with far greater maturity than many in the adult congregation, do hope you’ll continue to grow.

I have known many Christians whom I’ve served alongside in the past, who were fervent and who loved the Lord but today are no longer walking with Him, and it saddens me. A common thread is that it begins with compromise. I do pray that every stonie will hold fast and never compromise on God’s word and will leave a lasting legacy. Continue to press on towards the finish. Hope to see you all at the finish line!

To each and every stonies, my prayer for you is that you’ll hold fast to God. Hold fast to His Word. Never quit. Never compromise. Love Him always. Obey Him always.

Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. 1 Timothy 4 :12

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

This hymn means so much to me.
Looking back on the various trials that I’ve gone through, this hymn has been a constant companion. When situations are grim and tough, the richness of the hymn brings me back to my position in Christ. Somehow it expresses my deepest and most heartfelt convictions. I would love to have this hymn sung at my own memorial service..

Father,
Thank you for the richness of hymns as such. Its easy for me to sway away, be bought over by temporal glitter and riches of this world. So easy for me to get disheartened, for me to lose heart in times of trouble. But my prayer is that You be my Vision, ever be my Vision. Capture my heart, O Lord of my heart. Amen.

Went through some old emails that I wrote and which was kept in the archives of my mailbox, so happen to chance upon this email that dates way back in my uni days in Dec of 98′, I remember this…

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From: Kelvin Choo
To: Undisclosed Recipients

Hello all,

Peace and may God’s grace be shining upon you.

I hope that all is well with everyone. And I missed you guys in our regular meetings. Just want to wish all of you wonderful Christmas.

Here’s something I want to share.

I have a friend by the name of Casey. He is close friend of mine, and I got to know him through triathlon. He is a pretty good athlete. And he’s got such a passion for the sport of triathlon (for those who don’t know these are the crazy guys who swim, cycle and run). He’s quite a popular guy amongst his peers because he is always joking and laughing all the time. Though sometimes I would say the jokes are rather distasteful. Incidentally he is also a Christian (I would say not a very good example of salt and light of the world). And not quite as enthusiastic as a Christian as he should be an athlete.

His enthusiasm for the sport can be seen in the amount of reading he does regarding training. He consistently reads to equip himself with new training techniques. Hence it is not surprising that going into the sport for a mere short year, he has improved a lot and has done well in some of the races.

Being a close friend, I know him quite well. He was in fact training for an important race in the coming months. The Ironman Triathlon. I can say that it was really important to him. Most of the time he spoke of going to that race. In my opinion, I would say kinda obsessed with it even.

Anyway, recently, there was this camp that came up, (called the Bible Conference organized by the FES) so I actually invited him to go for it, it was a camp for Christians, him being one I decided to pull him to go along. After some difficult struggle of having to miss training, he finally relented and went for the camp. The camp was rather long (one full week) and after the camp I felt I gained much and felt that God has spoken to me, but for Casey, he something happened. I spoke to him and he told me that something is going to happen to him. He sounded very serious, I did not really know what he meant, and I just shrugged aside what he said. I wondered what he actually went through in the camp. He did not say much and kept to himself. He stopped training for a few days. And that was something very unusual.

Things didn’t seem right, so I called Casey up in his hostel room. No one picked up. I asked fellow triathletes if they had seen him. But no one did. Something must have gone wrong.

A few days after I last saw him, which was at the end of the camp. I received news that Casey was no more, he died. He no longer lives. He has become just a memory.

He was a dear friend and I will miss him…. Good bye friend…. Good bye Casey….

But what really happened to him during the camp, I guess I would be the only one to know. God touched his life, God spoke to him. And God changed him. I know because that was the final thing he said to me…

I know…. because I’m Casey.

God has changed my life. I’ve been given a new perspective to life, with a new passion, renewed faith and hope, He gave me renewed strength, courage to face up to difficulties and strongholds. God is real. I cannot deny Him. He has me set upon me a task, a really important task, and he calls me to a surrendered life. Gladly, Lord, I will follow you Lord. With all my heart and all my strength.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

I understand this now….

Have a blessed Christmas!

Casey

aka KC (Kelvin Choo)

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