@hhChoooo… who sneezed?!?!

“…that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” 1 Samuel 18:1b

In the life of every man, there rarely is a David and Jonathan, whose hearts and soul are so closely knitted and bound, that a man can love another as he loves himself. Kindred spirits.

Truly its even rarer for men today because we find it hard to open our hearts to share with each other, and the tyranny of today’s society and fast paced lifestyle causes a great isolation of souls.

I once heard a godly man telling me that in his whole life, he has had less than 5 of such friends. Souls knitted together by the Lord. I believe that its so true because such friends rarely come by.

And so back in the end of 2004, when I met Yau Chung, I believe God caused our hearts to connect instantly. I remember the first time we had a real good chat was at a TCC at Holland Village and we found we could share so openly and honestly, our hearts burned with the similar passions. From then, we shared this journey.

This brother has a great heart for God, a great desire to love God and his people. One whom I hold in great esteem and love and honour. I do not think for once I’ve had such a close brother in Christ before. I mean, I do have people I know and I’m close to, but when scripture describes a bond as David and Jonathan, I believe this is it.

On Saturday, when YC had to fly to the States as part of his job attachment for the next 3 years, there was a deep sense of loss. I know I’m really going to miss this dear brother very much, and that I’m going to miss the times and things we’ve shared in the last 2 years. I know too that God will continue to knit our hearts in spite of the distance.

So, my brother, my prayers are for you over there and for your family back here. May God continue to bless our friendship and bind us deeper in His love. May it be so that we continue to press on in this race, though in this part of the journey, we may be apart, I believe that God will sustain us through His grace and love. Love you, bro.

Awoke this morning to find myself feeling all funny inside.

A feeling of vulnerability, and felt emotionally raw. Almost like anything could make you weep and cry.. Sounds funny, but it was through this that I felt much closer to God’s heart.

On Friday’s CG, as well as at the CG retreat and with other brothers, I shared that my prayer request was that I could feel again. (basically to be revived) To draw close to God and to feel and touch His heart again.

Its been a long time since I’ve felt “alive” inside.. almost as if my heart had hardened to such a state that nothing moved me. Sunday’s praise and worship no longer ushered me into His presence, sermon messages come across dry. Morning QT was mainly focused on self, and the Word of God.. stale and boring.

But last night after coming back from YC’s farewell party, I just started praying and praising God in song. God’s presence descended and as I came before Him, tears rolled down and I felt such wretchedness before our God. I believe God has heard these brothers’ prayers (Thanks so much!!) and answered them. I called to God for forgiveness. And really felt lifted and cleansed. (one really does not know how much burdens we carry until its lifted off)

Lost in His presence…

Today, during Vision Sunday, as Pastor Kai shared about two major upcoming events.. our Church’s prayer walk and the Global Day of Prayer. What really spoke to me during his sharing was that unless we come to a point where we truly come before God in repentance(or in Ps Ann’s message today.. Remorse without repentance).. in true repentance.. revival will tarry… it will not happen. God IS calling individuals to Himself. And my prayer is that all brothers and sisters will arise to this call to prayer and repentance.. I’m truly looking forward to this saturday. My prayer is we will catch a glimpse of revival..

4 June 2006.

Singapore is going to be part of the Global Day of Prayer.

This is something that stirred my heart greatly when Ps Edmund shared about the Global Day of Prayer, in my mind’s eye, I could see thousands upon thousands of people gathered in one place, interceding for this nation. Its been 5 years since the Vision 2001 movement ended. Unprecedented prayer and unity among the local churches brought about many salvations and stirred the hearts of men then.

This could possibly be something even bigger. A greater move of God, bringing His people to repentance.

Watch this video on the prayer movement happening around the world. Its really moving.

I pray you catch the vision.

I spent a good afternoon over the long weekend just chatting and sharing with a dear sister.

It was a blessed time, and I really walked away blessed from the conversation. God uses his people to show things about yourself. Things you never knew. Things (issues) you thought only others have. I mean, hey, I thought I knew myself well enough! Guess not.

Seemed that deep inside, there were some deep seated issues - recent, but deep. Camouflaged, stashed aside. Kept from view. I never knew were there.

You know how people become a sounding board for you… when as you share, they help you to see things that you never saw before. A different angle, a new perspective, a revelation. This sister helped me see it. Old wounds. Still raw and fresh as then. I thought it was a matter of the past, that I was already over it. And old wounds surface itself, manifest itself as something new, that you cannot recognise. Only a third party would be able to see it. Commonly it surfaces as an insecurity, self blame, a fear, an anxiety that you could never let go.

The question now is, what next? Its been unveiled. I see the wound, what’s the treatment?

I think I know the answer, I just need the strength to apply the strong medicine… Ouch!

This story is told of a blind student named John. One day, Bill, his lecturer asked John how he had become blind. The sightless student described an accident that had happened in his teenage years. The tragedy took not just the boy’s sight but also his hope. He told Bill, “I was bitter and angry with God for letting it happen, and I took my anger out on everyone around me. I felt that since I had no future, I wouldn’t lift a finger on my own behalf. Let others wait on me. I shut my bedroom door and refused to come out except for meals.”

His admission surprised Bill. The student he taught displayed no bitterness or anger. He asked John to explain the change. John credited his father. Weary of the pity party and ready for his son to get on with life, he reminded the boy of the impending winter and told him to mount the storm windows. “Do the work before I get home or else…!” the dad insisted, slamming the door on the way out.

John reacted with anger. Muttering and cursing and groping all the way to the garage, he found the windows, step ladder and tools and went to work. “They’ll be sorry when I fall off my ladder and break my neck.” But he didn’t fall. Little by little he inched around the house and finished the chore.

The assignment achieved the dad’s goal. John reluctantly realised he could still work and began to reconstruct his life. Years later he learned something else about that day. When he shared this detail with Bill, his blind eyes misted. “I later discovered that at no time during the day had my father ever been more than four or five feet from my side.”

The father had no intention of letting the boy fall.

You Father has no intention of letting you fall either. You can’t see Him, but He is there.

(excerpt from Come Thirsty by Max Lucado)

I was busily trying to debug an assignment and was literally ripping my hair out over the computer program I had to write and I’ve already spent days on it.

Then God brought things into perspective.

I dropped everything I was doing. Just like that.

See, I got news of a missionary facing imminent death in East Timor. Being in the information age and all, chain smses and emails must be sieved out for the truth. Urban legends, hoaxes come plenty in the email, and smses. And I have grown weary and somewhat skeptical whenever I recieve some of these messages soliciting prayers for so and so. How true are they really? Come on, don’t waste my time!

Got one again, and this one included a name, yeah, great! Just to make it sound real, yah? These hoaxers are getting good you know?

Skeptically I “googled” the name and guess what? A name showed up.

The information was indeed verified. There is such a person and the persecution real. A family serving God, facing a life threatening situation. That was in September.

Since then, I believed they continued sharing and preaching the gospel in their adopted homeland. They believed that even at the cost of their lives, it was well worth staying on even amidst adversity. Until now.

I was humbled and felt ashamed.

And there I dropped all I did. And prayed. For them, for myself. All the things I did in the past days, just did not feel the slightest bit worthy of comparison to the eternal sowings of these brothers and sisters.

What have I been sowing lately? What have I been weeping over lately?
I’m embarrassed to give you the answers.

My walk has frequently been marked with seasons.

Seasons which God impressed upon my heart. Following my past journals, I could see that in the last season, God spoke and dealt with obedience.

This season, I’ve been hearing again and again this one simple, single word…

Thirst.

I knew in my heart where God was pointing to. You’re not thirsting for me. You’re dehydrated and yet you are not drinking from Me.

Thirst.

I know in my competitive days, when we raced. One can feel totally hydrated after the race. But inside, the body is dehydrated… and the fluid I drink immediately after is not sufficient to hydrate the body. I need to keep drinking through the day, even when I don’t feel thirsty. Because my body needs it. I may go to the toilet a lot, but that does not mean my body has already got the fluid it needs.

Thirst.

I feel fine. I go to Church every week, I attend Cell group. I read my bible every morning. I serve actively in ministry. I do everything prescribed that a good Christian ought to do. But I’m not “hydrated” enough.

Thirst.

Bible says when we drink of Him, we will never be thirsty again. Drinking from Jesus, fills us with His Spirit, and there will be an overflow, a flood if you may, of the Holy Spirit from our lives.

Thirst?

Then Drink.

Worlds apart.

My desires. His desires.

Selfish pride. Sin Rebellion. Covetous. Clouded heart. Tainted past. Hurts. Wounds.

Love. Mercy. Life. Blood. Restoration. Grace. Sacrifice. Atonement.

Worlds Apart.

Worlds Collide.

Wedged.

Me. Wedged.

WORLDS APART by JARS OF CLAY.
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love to give and die

To turn away and not become another nail to pierce
the skin of one who loves more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe in the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now, I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago

So steal my heart and take the pain and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish,
take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty,
take my tears the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can’t deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish,
take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty,
take my tears
take my world apart,
take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

Its been almost non stop… work, school, group meetings, work, school, tutorials…

I’ve been finding it so tough living off 6 to less than 6 hours sleep per day.. and it wears you thin.. on patience, and grace.. but finally… light at the end of the tunnel… or rather, middle of the tunnel.. heh heh.. the term break is coming soon and tutorials have been submitted less one.. that I’ll prob be mulling thru after this… but come next week, I’m gonna get a much deserved rest, before things get mad again for the rest of the year.

Really hope that the long work schedule (which is temporary) would pass, it would really free up so much of my time.

One thing, on looking back, even though some of the devotional times in the mornings were dry, but I think they helped keep the sanity and perspective intact. Lesson; dun compromise on the important things.. They form the bedrock. They are the bedrock.

I’ve found a great place tucked away in CBD area, one that’s quiet, and its got a nice view. Somewhere I can just go and be alone… with God.

Every once a week I actually walk past it and I quite enjoyed walking through it. During those moments, I find that time just seem to slow down, away from the hustle and bustle of corporate life. In fact, if you frequent the trains, you should just stop and watch the world. And just picture yourself in the crowd… Sorta makes you wonder why the rush?

So anyway, I went over on Friday and found myself a nice shady spot, sat there and found myself just praying and talking to God. It was just serene.

Anyway, went back office to find myself blessed… with a bird dropping on my back, guess I was just too engrossed in prayer huh?

I find it really odd to say this… but I really like my job. (As an update, I am out of sales and am now in a new dept)

For so many years, actually two only (felt like a really long time), i’ve been slaving away in Consumer banking as a Relationship Manager. I’d have to say I didn’t quite fully enjoy every moment of it. Though I do know that in all jobs there are the up moments and down moments.. but when you face ethical issues everyday and struggling to meet the targets set, its just tough. It’s just not me.

Well that chapter’s closed now. I’m glad. I’m where I feel most comfortable. I’m always the one in the sales team where folks looked to for market updates and analysis. And where I was, I devoured lots of market news. It was natural for me, but the banks do not appreciate knowledge, just the bottomline when it comes to sales.

Just finished my third week in the treasury dept of the bank. And I’m so thankful to God for placing me here. I feel at home. No more sales target. I get to read the newsfeed LIVE!!! I get to update people interested in market movements and I’m learning learning learning lots of new stuff!! Though I’m still adjusting to school and work and ministry at the same time. I’d say its been just fabulous!

Looking back at the recent episode I went through from End May till late July, the journey was really a journey of faith. It can never a case of coincidence. I can only point it to the sovereign hand of God. Meticulous, designed, coordinated grace. Thank You Lord Jesus!

Now I’m really excited at what lies ahead. I found out that I would be on Saturday duty for twice a month until the end of the year. Initially, I felt a little disappointed. But yesterday, it struck me that this is an another of God’s provision and answer to prayer! I wanted to have a chance to talk to my new colleagues about God and about my faith. Now for the next few saturdays, I’ll get a chance to speak to them one on one. (You see, I will be attached to one (only one!!) different person each saturday! And for that few hours, we’d probably be chatting. I am sure there’ll be a chance to talk about God. (People always ask “what do you do on Sundays?” HAHAHA!!) So I’m excited! Pray with me on this, I’d really like to see God at work (both as a noun and a verb!!)

Ah… Thank You Lord!!

This is nice… Here’s the link.

Been really blessed lately by the way God answers specific prayers.

Last week, Asked God to give me the a reply for the Treasury position by end of the week. (was a very long drawn and tiring wait for the reply - 2 months long). He answered. And so this week I started on the new job.

Before starting work, I asked God to help me find an office fellowship. At work, I discovered a previous colleague being posted to another dept, and it was in the same building I’m in! So now I got one kaki to pray with.
PKK told me a covenanter had also just started work in maybank in the same week as myself. I have never seen him before and could not find his name in the email system. But as I chatted with my colleague, I discovered that she has 2 new colleagues who are Christians. And guess what, one of them is the guy PKK talked about. Now I’ve got 3 pple to pray with. Whoo hoo!!

Lord, I pray for a group of size about 8 to form a strong office fellowship that will be salt and light in Maybank. And that the group will just keep growing and reaching out to our non believing colleagues. And that we will see converts and hear PDA testimonies. In Jesus Name I Pray! Amen! (I’ve got to be specific)

Some weeks ago, I shared with the JesusLivingStones Combine CG retreat on Finishing well, and I pulled out lots of analogies from running a race. In Paul’s Letters, its peppered with fighting the good fight and finishing the race.

As I pondered on running a race and how I previously competed and trained for Triathlons and Biathlons. There are much similarities in the physical as much as the spiritual race that we’re running.

Discipline: Without it, there’s no such thing as running the race

You can run, walk or crawl but never go backwards.

So really, there’s much similarities in running a race and running the christian race. May it be so that when the race gets hard and tough, He will continually strengthen and guide. That as I approach the finish line, I may see the smile upon the face of my Savior.

Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I seem to get very disturbed of late, when I learn of fellow brothers and sisters taking the word of God lightly (by that, I mean when we do not obey and just do as we please or we rationalise away truth so that it would fit our circumstance, for eg. one of the most common is unequally yoked relationships, scripture is so clear on this, yet so many christians, good christians, wind up morally bankrupt because of that one compromise). I certainly hope I am not being self righteous or legalistic in any way. But I get affected by it and just feel great disappointment.

Perhaps its just God’s way of putting these burdens into my heart, that I would pray. But one thing I struggle all these while as a leader is, when do I speak up and correct. When is it a prompting to act upon and to correct/rebuke/admonish. And I struggle with confronting on such matters, maybe I lack the courage to confront, or it could be that I don’t act on it because I fear the rejection of the correction.

I personally believe that as a leader one has to step up to correct sheeps under their charge, and that once that correction is spoken, the ball is in their(believers) court to act upon it. In some sense, if there is inaction and continuation of sin, “blood is in their hands”. But if leaders fail to correct, then “blood is upon our hands”. Its also crucial that as leaders, we speak up, lest other believers get stumbled, or worse, follow suit. So why do I still fear correcting believers? Past experience maybe? Believers who leave because they don’t accept the truth.

Its terribly painful to see the sheeps leave the pen, headed towards the wolf’s den. And you know that they are heading that way of destruction. Yet its their personal decision and you cannot but helplessly watch them go down the wrong path!! Perhaps this is exactly how it feels like, the Father who sees his prodigal(wasteful) son walking away with his half of the inheritance. And the same Father who looks out daily from the fields hoping that the son would return.

Oh, that they would heed the call of scripture in the first place!

I only hope they would obey God and do the right things.